We Do Hard Things: The Phases of Learning an Instrument (and Why They Matter)

The studio's first sign. Over 25 years of teaching percussion & drum lessons.

If you’ve ever picked up an instrument, or watched your kid do it, you’ve probably noticed the emotional rollercoaster that comes with learning. One week everything clicks, the next week nothing works. It's important to know this is totally normal.

There’s actually a framework for this called the phases of competence. Understanding it can make a huge difference in how we practice, how we learn, and how we stay motivated.

Let’s break it down in real-world, musician terms.

Phase 1: Unconscious Incompetence

“I don’t know what I don’t know.”

This is the honeymoon phase.

You (or your child) are excited. Drums look fun. Congas seems easy. Marimba players make it look effortless. There’s curiosity, maybe even confidence.

How it feels:

• “This is going to be awesome.”

• “How hard can it be?”

What’s actually happening: You haven’t yet hit the wall. You don’t realize how much coordination, timing, technique, and consistency it takes.

For parents: This is when kids are all-in. It’s a great time to reinforce excitement, but avoid overselling how “easy” it is.

For adult students: Enjoy this phase. Seriously. It’s fuel for later.

How to prepare:

• Set realistic expectations early

• Frame learning as a long-term journey

• Your brain is creating brand new neural pathways!

• Introduce the idea: “We do hard things.”

  
  

Phase 2: Conscious Incompetence

“Oh… this is harder than I thought.”

This is where most people quit.

Suddenly:

• The groove falls apart

• Fingers, and limbs don’t cooperate

• Reading music feels like decoding a foreign language

How it feels:

• Frustration

• Self-doubt

• “Maybe I’m just not musical…”

What’s actually happening: You’re becoming aware of the gap between where you are and where you want to be. That awareness is progress, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

For parents: This is the critical support phase. Your child might:

• Resist practicing. They'll have all sorts of creative stall techniques.

• Get emotional.

• Say they want to quit.

They don’t need pressure, they need perspective. It's important to keep practice fun.

For adult students: This phase hits hard. Adults tend to be more self-critical. You’re comparing yourself to fully developed musicians, not beginners.

How to overcome it:

• Normalize struggle (“This is part of it.”) Share vulnerable moments with your child, or consider other instances of overcoming this phase.

• Break challenges into smaller pieces

• Celebrate the effort, not just results

• Keep showing up

And say it out loud when it’s tough: “We do hard things.”

Phase 3: Conscious Competence

“I can do hard things… if I really focus.”

Now we’re getting somewhere.

You can play the beat, the scale, the coordination, but it takes concentration. You’re thinking through every step.

How it feels:

• Encouraging, but mentally exhausting

• “Don’t mess up… don’t mess up…”

What’s actually happening: Your brain has built pathways. Through repetition, muscle memory is turning effort into skill.

For parents: You’ll notice improvement here. This is a great time to:

• Point out progress

• Record videos (kids love seeing growth later)

• Reinforce consistency over perfection

For adult students: This is where patience pays off. You’re no longer guessing, you’re building.

How to move forward:

• Slow practice is your best friend

• Repetition with intention (not autopilot)

• Accept that mistakes are part of refinement

Keep leaning into the mindset: “We do hard things.”

Phase 4: Unconscious Competence

I'm doing hard things!

“I just play.”

This is the goal.

You’re no longer thinking about every movement. You can:

• Lock into a groove

• Play a song naturally

• Express yourself musically

How it feels:

• Freedom

• Confidence

• Joy

What’s actually happening: The skill has become automatic. Your brain and body are working together without constant supervision.

For parents: This is when it becomes fun to watch. But remember, this phase came from pushing through the earlier ones.

For adult students: This is where music becomes art.

How to maintain it:

• Keep challenging yourself with new material

• Play with others

• Don’t stop practicing fundamentals

  
  

The Big Picture

Every student, kid or adult, cycles through these phases over and over again. Not just once.

• New song? Back to Phase 2.

• New technique? Phase 2 again.

• New style? You guessed it.

That’s not failure, that’s growth.

Final Thought

Whether you’re a parent supporting a young musician or an adult learning for yourself, the most important mindset shift is this:

Progress isn’t about avoiding difficulty. It’s about getting comfortable moving through it.

Because at every stage, from the first lesson to the hundredth performance, the truth holds:

We do hard things.

And that’s exactly why it’s worth it.